meowrobot changed the topic of #elliottcable to: Your topic makes my IRC client cry. 𝕯𝖊𝖓-𝖔𝖋-𝕯𝖊𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖉-𝕯𝖆𝖒𝖘𝖊𝖑𝖘 || #ELLIOTTCABLE is not about ELLIOTTC [string lost in sudden transmission termination]
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<ELLIOTTCABLE> gq
<ELLIOTTCABLE> what happened to “I hate free node and am leaving forever”
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I had a very nice date tell me ur happy for me
<gq> I am
<gq> My last date was crap
<ELLIOTTCABLE> D:
<gq> Now apologize about budgie related insults
<ELLIOTTCABLE> never
<ELLIOTTCABLE> birds are scary and terrible )=
<ELLIOTTCABLE> just like plants
<gq> Lol okay fine
<ELLIOTTCABLE> can we just live in little worlds where machines make the oxygen
<gq> Hughug
<ELLIOTTCABLE> hugehuge
<ELLIOTTCABLE> did I ever tell you about the time I got my family banned from a restaurant because a plant touched me
<gq> Yes
<ELLIOTTCABLE> )=
<gq> Also don't text spam too much
<gq> I'm on mobile
<ELLIOTTCABLE> k
<gq> Kkkkk
<gq> Snugs?
<gq> (:
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so many
<ELLIOTTCABLE> it was gr8 i'm a f2n
<gq> Jajaja
<ELLIOTTCABLE> in the old west they used spi2ns
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and I shop for my makeup at sep4a
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I enjoy bevagin8d people, but those enphallused are equally excellent
<ELLIOTTCABLE> N-phallused tensors
<pikajude> Bevaginated isn't a word
<gq> Should be
<ELLIOTTCABLE> these are words now
<ELLIOTTCABLE> i made one today
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and my friend made the other
<ELLIOTTCABLE> they are good words and u will love them
<ELLIOTTCABLE> when u want to be like “no homo” w/o being a trash, u can just be like “no sexual-congress-between-enphallused-peoples”
<ELLIOTTCABLE> boom, sjw'd <3
<pikajude> Not a word
<gq> Neither is pikajude
<gq> Still maybe some day it will be
<ELLIOTTCABLE> someday, someday pikajude might become a Real Boy
<pikajude> Well
<pikajude> pikajude doesn't have to be a word
<pikajude> That's not in the RFC
<ELLIOTTCABLE> ur mom's got a RFC
<ELLIOTTCABLE> (Request For Cock)
<pikajude> No she doesn't
<ELLIOTTCABLE> wow i made an *actual* your-mom joke
<ELLIOTTCABLE> instead of just
<ELLIOTTCABLE> spamming “ur mom” at everything
<pikajude> #fakenews
<ELLIOTTCABLE> who have i become!?
<ELLIOTTCABLE> @infinite_scream is incontrovertibly the Best Twitter Account
<pikajude> infinite's cream?
<gq> Lol
<gq> The visa void is here and it is single and ready to cream
<gq> Lol ew
<gq> AaaAAA
<gq> ETc
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<cythraul> hm
<cythraul> de devil is heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere
<cythraul> jk
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: hi
<ELLIOTTCABLE> lol hi gq
<cythraul> (:
<gq> Welp
<cythraul> inb4 suicide
gq was kicked from #elliottcable by ELLIOTTCABLE [dirty imposter]
<cythraul> lol
<cythraul> hahahahaha
<cythraul> yeah i was gonna do /quit suicide
<cythraul> but i think irrcloud doesn't do manual quit msgs
<cythraul> which sucks
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> really? I thought it did
<ELLIOTTCABLE> strange
<ELLIOTTCABLE> i'm hungry imma go get mcdonalds and think
<ELLIOTTCABLE> look at my sooolllddeerrrr
<ELLIOTTCABLE> now I'm going to get some crimp-ons and NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. -_-
<cythraul> lmao ELLIOTTCABLE
<cythraul> i'm charmed
<cythraul> soldering is vair difficult
<cythraul> not like actually imo but
<cythraul> because of the forces involved
<cythraul> :)
<ELLIOTTCABLE> soldering *this* fucking was
<cythraul> yeah taht's what i'm saying ELLIOTTCABLE
<cythraul> it looks like nice work
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I've been soldering since I was, who fucking knows, five years old?
<cythraul> very not your usual thing but
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: lmao nice
<cythraul> right before i dumped him
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but I had to buy a new tip for this thing
<cythraul> taylor therapist was uhhh
<cythraul> he sat on my glasses
<cythraul> and broke them
<cythraul> plastic frames so my dad managed to solder them together again
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and honestly I should have fucking used a butane torch; but I'm out of butane rn and it's on order
<cythraul> then not 3 days later
<cythraul> he sat on them again
<cythraul> and broke them.
<cythraul> talk about bad bloody omens
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so I ordered the LARGEST CHISEL-TIP THEY MAKE for my Hakko
<cythraul> NICE
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE is such a size-queen
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and douuuuused the motherfucking PL-259 in flux
<cythraul> for...butane...soldering?
<cythraul> nope
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and woah it worked
<cythraul> makes it worse
<cythraul> lmao
<cythraul> noice
<ELLIOTTCABLE> hahah yes butane soldering
<ELLIOTTCABLE> basically:
<ELLIOTTCABLE> for solder-on RF connectors there's this unique problem
<ELLIOTTCABLE> you have to get the workpiece hot, obviously, to avoid a cold solder-joint (which is even worse at RF than it is at DC; *and* this is for a mobile install — lots of vibration)
<ELLIOTTCABLE> *but* if you get it warm enough to melt solder, you *definitely* have it warm enough to deform the dielectric
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and again, because this is RF, “it isn't shorted out” isn't enough — if that coax center-conductor migrates *even slightly* out-of-center w.r.t the shield ... you're gonna have weird artifacts at weird frequencies?
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and even worse, the PL-259 connector in particular is a Fucking Monster
<ELLIOTTCABLE> like twice as big as my thumb
<ELLIOTTCABLE> well 1.5x
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so it just swaaallllows heat, no problem, without even warming slightly
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so apparently the Way To Do It, is either a *fucking giant* (read: old, industrial) soldering-iron, that simply has the thermal mass to drain into the connector quickly,
<ELLIOTTCABLE> or to use a butane torch.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> the goal being to heat the connector for less than a second, melt a big ol' pile of solder in between the barrel and sleeve, and then immediately leave it alone to cool
<ELLIOTTCABLE> to deform the dielectric minimally?
<cythraul> makes sense
<ELLIOTTCABLE> anyway. pretty sure I just melted the *shit* out of my test-cable.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but whatever I succeeded.
<incomprehensibly> hi ELLIOTTCABLE
<incomprehensibly> dating??
<incomprehensibly> i made: sounds
<ELLIOTTCABLE> incomprehensibly: yes dating
<ELLIOTTCABLE> hopefully several/many more times
<cythraul> incomprehensibly: remind me your soundcloud? if you have one
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: a bit after incomprehensibly went into uni
<cythraul> he posted a pic and i was like
<cythraul> "*jaw drop*" and then "oh god i knew you when you were like 13 i'm such a creep"
<cythraul> lmaooooo
<incomprehensibly> cythraul: soundcloud.com/glowcoil
<cythraul> ty alskling
<ELLIOTTCABLE> cythraul: lol.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> yes, micah is a well-known cutie.
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: tell me about it :| i didn't know
<cythraul> i mean yes
<ELLIOTTCABLE> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
<cythraul> from irc conversations knew brain was like 50 on a scale of 1-10 on scale of "want to lick all over and roll around in 2 become more smart"
<ELLIOTTCABLE> last person I banged was Freshly 18
<cythraul> but how 2 know was also pretty
<cythraul> is 2 much
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so when I started Paws, she was … 11???
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: i currently am mentoring a babytrans girl who is
<cythraul> i shit you not
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I have zero tolerance for EW U R CREPY
<cythraul> like 4 months older than my youngest sibling
<cythraul> and she is like
<cythraul> ...
<ELLIOTTCABLE> like. fuck off. if it's consensual, you can Suck A Dick, society.
<cythraul> if i'd met her and was the same age?
<cythraul> i would have come out a lot
<cythraul> a LOT
<cythraul> goddamn sooner
<cythraul> i'm sure
<cythraul> she is that fucking hot lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> lolol.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> wait, I'm very confused.
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: preeeeeeeeeeetty much ask me to tell you about the 3rd cousin i found on okcupid that i'm
<cythraul> well
<cythraul> idk what i'm doing with him yet
<cythraul> but nomzs.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> she's eggmode? so she's masc? so you're saying you'd … have … come out as …
<cythraul> no ELLIOTTCABLE
<ELLIOTTCABLE> ahhhhhhh too much genderfuck I can't parse
<cythraul> she's out of egg mode
<cythraul> just you knwo
<cythraul> living with abusive parents so
<cythraul> on hormones but trying to stay butch to avoid even more abuse by fauxliberal parents :[
<ELLIOTTCABLE> oh…kay
<ELLIOTTCABLE> a little bit oversharing for someone I don't know )=
<cythraul> her dad seems maybe okay but i seriously want to make my mom and her mom get married in dante's inferno
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: she tells everyone
<cythraul> she's in ttherapy but shy
<cythraul> so she srsly will tell anyone this
<cythraul> yes you're right i'm oversharing but like
<cythraul> you have noidea who she is
<cythraul> or name
<cythraul> or anything so
<cythraul> idk hard 2 be guilty :P
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: the point is
<ELLIOTTCABLE> no hahaha
<ELLIOTTCABLE> not like judging you for sharing her story
<cythraul> ...like i went from gently flirting with her because she was so much younger than me and obvisly interested
<ELLIOTTCABLE> although that precise mistake in this precise room lost me a very important friend a long time ago
<cythraul> to like "oh god you're the same age as my youngest sister and ohgod am i creepy hnnn panic panic panic"
<ELLIOTTCABLE> rather: "I don't know this person and am struggling to care? Relate this to my friendship with you somehow? :P"
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yes i remember :P
* cythraul clicks tongue gently
<cythraul> someday when i finally rip my soul free from these iron chains that make me unable to die
<ELLIOTTCABLE> hahah I have a trans manfriend (transman friend? transmanfriend?)
<cythraul> (6 freedom attempts and counting)
<ELLIOTTCABLE> who I have EXACTALY the same situation with
<cythraul> i will like
<ELLIOTTCABLE> wait no
<ELLIOTTCABLE> reversed
<ELLIOTTCABLE> wait no
<ELLIOTTCABLE> the same
<ELLIOTTCABLE> arg
<cythraul> lick your forehead and you won't do that by accident anymore
<ELLIOTTCABLE> he's hit on me for ages and I was always like *gentle pat* down boy you're like 12
<cythraul> because gabriel souls are great at giftgiving healing kiss
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: lmao yep
<ELLIOTTCABLE> then I realized, 12 ≠ 17, and he's less than three months younger than the last person I've had sex with?
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: in college colew @mechtroid on twitter
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so now it's like. oh. okay. I guess I can't pretend that's creepy if I JUST DID THAT.
<cythraul> ex C
<cythraul> the one you made me get together with basically
<cythraul> LOL yeah
<cythraul> we always had the rule is
<cythraul> half your age + 7
<ELLIOTTCABLE> yes I know cole, gq
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: just checking
<ELLIOTTCABLE> fuck that rule
<cythraul> b/c i tried to bond with you
<ELLIOTTCABLE> “are you going to jail?” “no” “cool.”
<cythraul> over Spirt: Stallion of Cimarron soundtrack
<cythraul> and you like
<cythraul> memory-hol'd it apparently
<cythraul> you had no idea what i was talking about
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I DON'T KNOW WHAT SPIRIT IS, I'VE NEVER SEEN IT
<cythraul> and i'm like no fuck you we bonded over this for the brief like week and a half in spring 2009 we were inluvforever
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I just know it's a Disney thing
<cythraul> I KNOW
<cythraul> THAT'S WHY I'M CONFUSED LIKE
<ELLIOTTCABLE> arg
<cythraul> i think you must have listened to it while like
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so Christian got interestin
<ELLIOTTCABLE> did I show you the text I got recently
<ELLIOTTCABLE> like.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I'm so proud.
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: lol you told me but tell me again
<cythraul> yeah iti nink you texted it to me
<cythraul> all i remember is
<cythraul> babby ec
<cythraul> complaining "he brings home his dates
<cythraul> "i don't get no dates
<ELLIOTTCABLE> idk he texted me while a female friend of mine was going down on him
<ELLIOTTCABLE> apparently because she told him to do it
<ELLIOTTCABLE> which I find hilarious
<cythraul> "so i play loud music so i get to decide how hard they fuck
<cythraul> that is
<cythraul> so very very very very him
<cythraul> remember the time i was angry at him and cybering to try and like
<cythraul> post the logs for revenge
<cythraul> and i accidentally right as it was getting good
* ELLIOTTCABLE eeyerolls
<ELLIOTTCABLE> fuck
<cythraul> 100% accident
<cythraul> called him ELLIOTT
* cythraul laughs hysterically
<ELLIOTTCABLE> eeyerolels
<cythraul> oh my god
<ELLIOTTCABLE> 🙄
<cythraul> he was
<cythraul> so fucking mad
<cythraul> hahahahahahahaha
<cythraul> it was even better than what i had planned to do in a way
<cythraul> :D
* ELLIOTTCABLE eyerolls even hard
<ELLIOTTCABLE> aaaaanyway
<cythraul> :D
<cythraul> lmaooooooooooooo
<ELLIOTTCABLE> fucking internet "relationships"
<cythraul> don't u judge me
<cythraul> i've seen some of your IRL ones
<ELLIOTTCABLE> a few years ago I just kinda quietly admitted that none of those were really A Thing
<cythraul> you don't say a goddamn word lmao
<ELLIOTTCABLE> how fucking ridiculous it is that I thought I was "dating" people I'd never met
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: d almost left me over an internet cheat
<cythraul> so
<ELLIOTTCABLE> there's nothing more desperate and sad )'=
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: lol that's our fight for the night i guess
<cythraul> because no, no
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I don't care about you or yours? I'm talking about mine.
<cythraul> i've had some of the most intense affairs of the heart OH okay
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: you must
<cythraul> you MUST
<ELLIOTTCABLE> if they're fulfilling for you, or all that's available to you, or something like that, cool4u
<cythraul> learn to like
<cythraul> learn to use your words better
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but *mine*, you included (sorry? but not really?) weren't really a thing
<cythraul> because "internet relationships don't real"
<cythraul> comes afasd'fioyadsfi
<cythraul> welp
<cythraul> taht's insulting
<ELLIOTTCABLE> just a desperate way to pretend I *wasn't* 100% single until I was Fucking 22™
<cythraul> okay thanks i have been like
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I'm sorry, I like you as a person )=
<cythraul> somehow dumped again? all over again?
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I'd just never met you.
<cythraul> great cool fine
<ELLIOTTCABLE> For me, that's *ridiculous* to have claimed was a thing.
<cythraul> exgirlf takeru condones her girlf saying i desreved to be r...........................no i'm not doing this i'm not doing the sjw snowflake rage
<cythraul> ffffffff
<ELLIOTTCABLE> what
<cythraul> ;asdfiya;sofiyd;asdfily
<ELLIOTTCABLE> takeru, is that japanese?
<cythraul> why can't i change my nick
<ELLIOTTCABLE> are you banned on a channel you're in?
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: may...be? i never asked
<cythraul> maybe
<ELLIOTTCABLE> or just Not Identified, /cuz that scounts
<cythraul> but i just quit it
<cythraul> oh
<ELLIOTTCABLE> Oh that's a person's name
<cythraul> yeah that's probably it
<cythraul> don't you invalid password me
<cythraul> oh
<ELLIOTTCABLE> that sentence did noooot parse
<cythraul> lol
<cythraul> 'manidiot x_X
<ELLIOTTCABLE> SJW snowflake rage? -_-
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: it's like
<cythraul> what i call myself to myself
<cythraul> when i lose my temper after being trolled by rizon idiots
<ELLIOTTCABLE> plz careful this channel *theoretically* has an, very-admittedly-incomplete, COC coming along someday maybe? >,>
<cythraul> dude i was ironying
<ELLIOTTCABLE> oh, k
<cythraul> just...a;sdfiya;siodfya;sfyd
<cythraul> lol okay
<ELLIOTTCABLE> your keyboard spams have lots of semicolons.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> you should read inimino's article.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> semicolons r bad, mmmkay?
<ELLIOTTCABLE> :P
<cythraul> i'm like "you drag me in here for years pre - decent ELLIOTTCABLE adulthood and now you're tryna make me be moral"
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> D0n'sg1rl52
<cythraul> no it was just D0n'sg!rl
<cythraul> lol
<cythraul> that's even worse in a way innit
<cythraul> :D
<ELLIOTTCABLE> like just sayin' I gotta maintain a safe space
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yeah that's why i stopped myself
<cythraul> like
<ELLIOTTCABLE> doesn't matter if I *used* to be a little shit, now I'm actively responsible for this channel? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
* ELLIOTTCABLE hugs
<cythraul> i didn't want to do what a friend on rizon aaccused me of
<ELLIOTTCABLE> thanks for putting up for my shit?
<cythraul> which is like
<ELLIOTTCABLE> even though our friendship is ...
<ELLIOTTCABLE> things
<cythraul> getting triggered and like spamming why i'm triggered
<cythraul> like super horrible survivor stories
<ELLIOTTCABLE> it was Very Important To Me at several points, so
<cythraul> without thinking
<cythraul> and half the chan /quit
<cythraul> because wtf gq
<cythraul> lol
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: it's sitll important to me <3
<ELLIOTTCABLE> “half the chan /quit because wtf gq”
* ELLIOTTCABLE maps “/quitgq” to “/quit because wtf gq”
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: happens more on foonetic
<ELLIOTTCABLE> i'm convinced these other networks are fever-dreams of yours
<ELLIOTTCABLE> Freenode is obviously the only network
<cythraul> ha well
<cythraul> nuck and i are rizon friends
<ELLIOTTCABLE> sometimes I hallucinate Mozilla's IRC briefly
<ELLIOTTCABLE> when I need to hallucinate a solution to a problem
<cythraul> so if androids dream of electric servers then nuck and i are on the same one
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but still.
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: lol i just earlier
<cythraul> high and listening to music
<cythraul> remembered a strange dream
<cythraul> which i have had happen in my life
<cythraul> i'll get like
<cythraul> ...sequel nightmares
<cythraul> which makes no sense
<cythraul> at all
<cythraul> lol
<cythraul> but it was a nice dream to be reminded of because i want to make a short film about it
<cythraul> ~
<ELLIOTTCABLE> oh I totally get those
<ELLIOTTCABLE> did you know I'm crazy, cythraul?
<ELLIOTTCABLE> you'll be so fucking, whassit
<ELLIOTTCABLE> full of yourself
<cythraul> lol
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yeah i remember you talking at length about your dokter dad
<cythraul> and horrible medical childhoood
<cythraul> ><
<cythraul> i don't remember very well frankly
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but despite all of the Normal I have every day, it turns out the vivid, multisensory hallucinations I get upon waking are *not* how normal people dream?
<cythraul> the talks were
<cythraul> the details
<cythraul> fuck
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> my therapist is talking psychosis
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yeah um
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: welcome to da club
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and I'm going to like, more-kinds-of-brain-doctors than I can count on one hand, this spring
<cythraul> crazy kids unite, fist bump
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but like my life is completely fucking normal
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yep. have fun. my money is on high functioning schizophrenic
<ELLIOTTCABLE> most of my friends are crazy, but I'm always the "normal" one
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: LMAO
<cythraul> no
<ELLIOTTCABLE> hyper, genderbent, whatever,
<cythraul> in my head you are like
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but *normal*
<cythraul> the stablest Crazy Friend
<cythraul> :P
<ELLIOTTCABLE> no psychoses, no depression anymore, nothing
<ELLIOTTCABLE> no manias
<ELLIOTTCABLE> just. normal.
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: that's because your entire life is a psychoticdepressionmania
<cythraul> :P
<cythraul> hence money is on schizoid OR
<ELLIOTTCABLE> my crazy, that I apparently actually have after all, is all concentrated into five minutes every month or two?
<cythraul> 2ndguess is BPD
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: huh. i will shit myself and die if you are also bipolar
<ELLIOTTCABLE> nah, I don't have any bipolar symptoms anymore
<cythraul> lol
<cythraul> no, not bipolar
<ELLIOTTCABLE> no mania, very little (~1/yr) depression
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: BPD is distinct from bipolar
<ELLIOTTCABLE> kicked all that shit, thank god, a few years ago
<cythraul> borderline personality disorder
<ELLIOTTCABLE> Yeah, I'm not borderline.
<cythraul> i didn't htink you were
<ELLIOTTCABLE> Plz stop trying to IRC-diagnose me. It's a little fucked. :P
<cythraul> but i'm not tradf;ioay;sdfy
<ELLIOTTCABLE> oh, I mis-read
<cythraul> YOU CUAA;DFY FUCKING BROUGHT IT UP
<cythraul> jesus
<ELLIOTTCABLE> aGAIN 🙄
* cythraul claws at hair anxiously
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I'm JUST SAYING, for ur validation, I have some crazy after all :3
<cythraul> I KNOW
<ELLIOTTCABLE> properly diagnosed, by professionals. :P
* cythraul accepts validation & blushes
<cythraul> :P
<cythraul> dere
<cythraul> lol
* ELLIOTTCABLE pats gently
* cythraul squirms away
<cythraul> nooooooooo
<cythraul> no pretty ec pats pls
<cythraul> :P
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I want the non-patronizing equivalent of that
<cythraul> u r outta my league so
<cythraul> no touches
<cythraul> none
<cythraul> lol
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yeah same rly
<ELLIOTTCABLE> wat
<ELLIOTTCABLE> wait wat
<ELLIOTTCABLE> are you sarcasming at me
<ELLIOTTCABLE> mean
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so I have this new
<cythraul> you literally just said our relationship never existed
<cythraul> and that you saw me as a friend :P
<ELLIOTTCABLE> well, not new, but morphed from something else
<ELLIOTTCABLE> well geeze I'm sorry we're old fucking friends that pseudo-internet-dated for five seconds 🙄
<ELLIOTTCABLE> SO I HAVE THIS NEW,
<cythraul> it wasn't five seconds
<cythraul> it was like
<cythraul> days
<ELLIOTTCABLE> obsession with masculinity
<cythraul> dude of the bst cybering ever
<cythraul> oh sorry am i retreiving memories out of the memory hole
* cythraul stops
<cythraul> let them say i guess
<ELLIOTTCABLE> being around a mounting pile of trans friends who are So Very Convinced that I'm trans,
<cythraul> stay*
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: uhhh how do you feel about that? ;/
<ELLIOTTCABLE> very annoyed
<cythraul> good for you
<ELLIOTTCABLE> luckily the closest and most important ones have learned their lessons and shut their traps
<cythraul> because you've always in my experience of you been like
<cythraul> rock solid in your LOL traps nice pun
<cythraul> your gender expression.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but has basically just really, really called into sharp focus
<ELLIOTTCABLE> exactly how much masculinity Is™ me? or *matters* to me?
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yeah uh
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so now I'm on this motherfucking CRUSADE
<cythraul> welcome to yes
<cythraul> lol
<cythraul> YES
<ELLIOTTCABLE> to Find Good Masculinity
<cythraul> EC CRUSADES
<cythraul> ARE MY VERY FAVORITE
<cythraul> srsly every time you decide to pick a new issue you care about i fanboi like mad hahahaha
<ELLIOTTCABLE> like musculature and making the decisions so someone else can relax and guns, sure, traditional,
<cythraul> i should make free Battlecollie Adventures comics
<cythraul> BATTLECOLLIE DEFEATS HOMOPHOBIA
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but also taking the emotional labour upon yourself, providing for your friends and family in emotional ways as much as monetary ones,
<cythraul> BATTLECOLLIE DEFEATS TOXIC MASCULINITY
<ELLIOTTCABLE> lmfao
<cythraul> xD
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I'm irl roffling
<cythraul> same lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> anyway
<ELLIOTTCABLE> *glances over*
<ELLIOTTCABLE> *greentext:*
<ELLIOTTCABLE> “dude”
<ELLIOTTCABLE> “i am a horny teenager”
<ELLIOTTCABLE> welp
<ELLIOTTCABLE> brb, headed out for mcdonalds, because I am RATCHET
<ELLIOTTCABLE> also because it's open at this time of night????????
<ELLIOTTCABLE> fuck I'm supposed to brunch today
<ELLIOTTCABLE> zero chance of that happening ugh ugh
<cythraul> hahaha
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I wish I hadn't napped alllll eeeevening
<ELLIOTTCABLE> cythraul: what's your number I want to text you things
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: well have fun at your bratchetunch
<ELLIOTTCABLE> or just
<ELLIOTTCABLE> text me
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: i will lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I haven't changed mine in a decade so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
<cythraul> i know lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I swear I'm the only human with a static phone number
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: when i want to text you? i literally google ELLIOTTCABLE anchorage phone
<cythraul> or something
<cythraul> i forget
<ELLIOTTCABLE> omfg
<cythraul> ya
<cythraul> lol
<meowrobot> ELLIOTTCABLE: that gpu thing, does it work in macos?
<ELLIOTTCABLE> meowrobot: there's people who've gotten it working with a Mac-flashed card!!!
<ELLIOTTCABLE> TB3 enabler + card flashing
<meowrobot> :o
<ELLIOTTCABLE> it's a bright future
<ELLIOTTCABLE> powerful GPUs on Macs! finally!
<meowrobot> heh
<ELLIOTTCABLE> you just watch until there's an Apple Core
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and if it's not called that
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I'm jumping out the fucking window of my 9th story apt
<meowrobot> i was curious if you were being blocked by firmware
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but seriously: Apple pushes shitty GPUs in their laptops for power reasons, and workstation/GPGPU-oriented hardware in their Mac Pros
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but this could FINALLY be the era of the gaming-compatible Mac
<meowrobot> because trying to enable the intel igpu in bootcamp runs into firmware-based problems
<ELLIOTTCABLE> meowrobot: hm
<ELLIOTTCABLE> hmmm
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I mean how would I tell
<meowrobot> i'm not sure if it's the same in uefi boot camp though
<ELLIOTTCABLE> there's no bios to dive into and tweak options, which is what google results suggest
<meowrobot> it was the case in bios boot camp
<meowrobot> you'd have to do efi shell shenanigans
<ELLIOTTCABLE> my windows knowledge is → ← this big
<ELLIOTTCABLE> hm
<cythraul> lol so the oppposite size of your [lewd deleted[]
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I can get myself a rEFIt put together if you have specific suggestions?
<cythraul> i apologize for myself i am horrid
<ELLIOTTCABLE> lewd is fine in here, for sure
<meowrobot> i don't
<ELLIOTTCABLE> just not mean :P
<cythraul> i know but i'm trying to spare my feelings
<cythraul> since i just got retroactively dumped
<cythraul> which is a hilarious phrase
<ELLIOTTCABLE> this is not a child-safe channel; it's just a people-I-love-who-are-oppressed-safe channel. :P
<cythraul> i may use in a shadowrun campaign at some point :D
<meowrobot> i forgot most of what i learned lol
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: iknow read what i said
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so confused
<ELLIOTTCABLE> are you saying I have a big dick
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I cannot figure out the directionality of your message.
<cythraul> i'm saying i fucking love you and if i had to pick any of my exes to make a go of it again
<cythraul> you're no 1
<ELLIOTTCABLE> cardinality? directionality?
<ELLIOTTCABLE> wow
<cythraul> for compatability & possible insane sex
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> way 2 real 4 IRC
<cythraul> YUP
<cythraul> SEE
<cythraul> THIS IS WHY [SELF CENOSRED[]
<cythraul> lmao
<meowrobot> from boot camp to kinky irc sex
<cythraul> meowrobot: no those are the same camp
<ELLIOTTCABLE> meowrobot: #ELLIOTTCABLE in a nut-shell
<meowrobot> :p
<ELLIOTTCABLE> next I'll fuck up my hands somehow
<cythraul> example a, the musical cabaret
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> then inimino will say “hm”
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: oh god noooooooooooo
<cythraul> no hands
<ELLIOTTCABLE> then I'll try and talk about PLT and get derailed
<cythraul> i remember that
<cythraul> teh pictures
* cythraul giggling irl
<cythraul> fucking
<cythraul> only you could so THOROUGHLy burn yourself and still like
<cythraul> come to irc to tell everyone while also iirc
<cythraul> saying ow
<cythraul> from tyring to fucking type
<cythraul> jesusgod
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> ovoids
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I burned myself on the phone with coraline a *bunch* a couple hours ago
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I kept screaming while she was talking about her girlfriend
<ELLIOTTCABLE> due to hot solder splattering all over me
<ELLIOTTCABLE> or like
<ELLIOTTCABLE> grabbing a connector that had been cooling
<ELLIOTTCABLE> without considering *how much thermal mass* those fuckers have
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yeah
<cythraul> done that while cooking
<cythraul> like dropped a spatula that's metal
<cythraul> instinctively tried to catch because nooooofloorgerms
<cythraul> caught, split second of "yes i am a god of reflexeOOHHHH GOD THAT'S BOILING WATER TEMP EVERYTHING IS PAIN"
<ELLIOTTCABLE> lmao
<ELLIOTTCABLE> where do you lot live now
<ELLIOTTCABLE> like last I'd heard you were stuck with Somebody's Terrible Parents
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: oh god yes. we were. for like srsly nearly 5 years. suuuucked. we've been in studioapartment in greatneighborhood since march '15
<ELLIOTTCABLE> five years!?
<cythraul> best period of our relationship so far tbqh and ELLIOTTCABLE the 7th anniversary of us meeting face to face is april 3rd 2017
<ELLIOTTCABLE> greatneighbourhood?
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: d and i met spring 2010 :)
<ELLIOTTCABLE> oh, *a* great neighbourhood
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I thought that was like. a neighbourhood's name, in seattle
<cythraul> yas.
<cythraul> haha nah
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: it's in Browne's Addition
<cythraul> you can either look at my instagram
<cythraul> or just google
<ELLIOTTCABLE> oh you and D?
<cythraul> it's very hip in Spokane so
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yes
<ELLIOTTCABLE> when did *I* meet you?
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: spring 2009
<cythraul> mid psychotic episode
<cythraul> a 3 month long one
<ELLIOTTCABLE> no I met you w/ D and brother
<cythraul> god that was such a shit time in my life haaaaaa
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so like, much later?
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: i know that was oct 2010
<cythraul> not much later :)
<ELLIOTTCABLE> wait wtf how did I meet you spring 2009
<ELLIOTTCABLE> when, where, what, the fuuuuuuck
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: i was tweeting @ bluebie
<ELLIOTTCABLE> when the *fuck* was I in the lower-48 in 2009
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: you were like @ excuse me @gqbrielle why do you hate republicans
<ELLIOTTCABLE> hahaha
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: we met on twitter. i told you to fuck off. you refused. the fight escalated to adding on AIM to yell at you more efficiently
<ELLIOTTCABLE> god I have so many non-ironic republicans in my life
<cythraul> a most auspicious beginning
<ELLIOTTCABLE> no I mean
<ELLIOTTCABLE> OH
<cythraul> lmao
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I meant offline
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I was like
<cythraul> oh that
<ELLIOTTCABLE> "we ... I ... I ... came ... down here ... what ..."
<cythraul> no we met irl sept-oct 2010 :)
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I know my memory is bad, but hard to believe I blanked an ENTIRE TRANS-CONTINENTAL TRIP
<cythraul> during THE GREAT EC MOVE
<ELLIOTTCABLE> yes lord
<cythraul> from alaska - wisconsin
<ELLIOTTCABLE> how long did I stay
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I've been reconstructing that trip
<cythraul> uhhh i wanna say almost a week
<ELLIOTTCABLE> fuck spokane
<ELLIOTTCABLE> my gas got stolen
<cythraul> maybe less because yeah
<ELLIOTTCABLE> there
<cythraul> fuck spokane
<ELLIOTTCABLE> or wait
<ELLIOTTCABLE> was that vanncouver
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: I WAS SO EMBARRASSED AND ANGRY ABOUT THAT
<cythraul> no you did
<cythraul> you got your gas cans stolen
<ELLIOTTCABLE> wow I thought it was vancouver until rn
<cythraul> i was SO PISSED
<ELLIOTTCABLE> come visit
<ELLIOTTCABLE> bring D
<cythraul> like nice neighborhood
<ELLIOTTCABLE> Chicago ≥ Spokane
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: i'm planning a surprise trip
<ELLIOTTCABLE> don't do that.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> my terrible stalker mom does that.
<cythraul> no he love surprises
<cythraul> NOT A SURPRISE TO YOU
<cythraul> to him
<cythraul> :P
<ELLIOTTCABLE> OH
<ELLIOTTCABLE> ph
<ELLIOTTCABLE> ew
<ELLIOTTCABLE> jesus
<cythraul> yeah fuck your mom in the ear
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I was like
<cythraul> :P
<ELLIOTTCABLE> gq, your crazy is showing
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: lmao
<cythraul> rude
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
<cythraul> :P
<ELLIOTTCABLE> good friends gotta b real
* ELLIOTTCABLE pulls shirt up to cover crazy
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: who do you think would win in a my mom v. your mom fight
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I picture it as a big mole
<ELLIOTTCABLE> or birthmark
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I know literally nothing about your mom
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: i just picture it as my tits because hella hella hella chest dysphoria
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so, my mom, because yours is a vapourmom
<ELLIOTTCABLE> ahhah
<ELLIOTTCABLE> big sacs of crazy
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yeah i deliberately do not talk about her online because it's justlike
<cythraul> rage
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so what are your pronouns rn
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I keep asking and IMMEDIATELY forgetting when you tell me so uh
<cythraul> fucking endless rage of "how could you brainwaash me and my siblings like that i was a child we were all childrne"
<ELLIOTTCABLE> okay but tbf
<ELLIOTTCABLE> a *lot* of things are justlike \n rage with you
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: uhhh pronouns are literally anything
<ELLIOTTCABLE> online, at least
<ELLIOTTCABLE> you were very chill irl
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yeah i'm bad that way
<cythraul> pisces with fire signs
<ELLIOTTCABLE> D's brother, less so
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: ha
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: you mean sister?
<cythraul> she transitioned
<cythraul> like
<ELLIOTTCABLE> oh what
<cythraul> a year after you left :)
<ELLIOTTCABLE> O_O
<cythraul> mhmmmmmmmmm
<ELLIOTTCABLE> was she out when I was there
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: this means D has not one
<cythraul> but two
<ELLIOTTCABLE> did I just completely blank on that
<cythraul> trans lesbian sisters.
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: no she wasn't out yet then :)
<ELLIOTTCABLE> when's D's turn
<ELLIOTTCABLE> okay phew
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: lmao that's what i'm asking
<ELLIOTTCABLE> what is her name now
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: alexis :)
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and just so I can connect it, what was her deadname
<cythraul> calob
<ELLIOTTCABLE> all I remember is something to do with a roller-coaster that I was wildly uncompfortable with
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: we took you to silverwood with us
<ELLIOTTCABLE> yes I know
<cythraul> and you and her bonded
<cythraul> like friends bonded but
<ELLIOTTCABLE> it was an 'orrific, life-changing experience
<cythraul> she had it baaaaaaaaaaaad for you
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> ugh idk BAAAAAAAD
<ELLIOTTCABLE> like she'd just met me
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: like she'd just met you
<cythraul> but you were very clearly her type
<cythraul> and she's like me
<cythraul> heart on her sleeve
<cythraul> but worse because she has worse boundaries than me.
<cythraul> i can respect a no.
<cythraul> she has trouble w/that.
<cythraul> you grok?
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I mean
<ELLIOTTCABLE> things I won't say here. but yes.
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: agreed :[
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: she and i..............were close
<cythraul> then there was a DV situation
<cythraul> 8 months later
<cythraul> wherein i had to defend her pregnant gf from alexis
<cythraul> and ever since then she thinks i like her more than i do.
<cythraul> and i keep it that way.
<cythraul> :|
<ELLIOTTCABLE> DV
<ELLIOTTCABLE> back up she
<cythraul> domestic violence.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> who what when where
<ELLIOTTCABLE> more names
<cythraul> no one yu'd have met
<cythraul> my eldest niece is named kyra
<cythraul> is a joy and light of my life
<ELLIOTTCABLE> "her" pregnant GF
<ELLIOTTCABLE> defend who from alexis
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yes.
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: no the other way
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: oh no wait you got it
<cythraul> elizbeth
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so conf
<ELLIOTTCABLE> oh
<ELLIOTTCABLE> OH
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: she met someone
<ELLIOTTCABLE> okay
<cythraul> yeah
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so alexis did A Bad a long time ago, and you haven't gotten over it?
<cythraul> she continues
<ELLIOTTCABLE> that sounded really judgmental -_- I mean,
<ELLIOTTCABLE> you are uncompfortable with alexis.
<cythraul> i saw her 2 weeks ago at a family dinner
<ELLIOTTCABLE> yes, I am also umcompfortable with alexis. -_-
<cythraul> uhhh
<cythraul> how to say this politely
<cythraul> holy mother of fuck she and her new wife need to level up in parenting.
<cythraul> :|
<ELLIOTTCABLE> she's married
<cythraul> pls 2 not make your stepchildren cry in front of me
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and has kids
<ELLIOTTCABLE> what
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: again. yes.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> again
<cythraul> to a different woman.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I
<ELLIOTTCABLE> okay
<ELLIOTTCABLE> 2 much drama 4 me
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yep.
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yep.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> i am very not-drama-loving bear tho
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I can do like
<ELLIOTTCABLE> irc
<ELLIOTTCABLE> because it's
<ELLIOTTCABLE> trash
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: all d's sisters are...........................lovely talented women
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but not real people ratchet stuff
<cythraul> but they like
<ELLIOTTCABLE> ON A RELATED FUCKING NOTE
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: we could do game of thrones with the other women in d's life.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> Oh god
<cythraul> :P
<ELLIOTTCABLE> I just had a houseguest for a long while
<cythraul> ahaha
<cythraul> well bless their heart
<ELLIOTTCABLE> actually I've had houseguests for a *long* while, variously
<ELLIOTTCABLE> but the most recent one
<cythraul> and bless yours for putting up with them
<cythraul> :P
* cythraul southern sass burn
<ELLIOTTCABLE> (who just left, and on the way home, got hit by a fucking semi in Ohio)
<cythraul> jesus
<cythraul> o_o
<ELLIOTTCABLE> (she's going into surgery in a couple hours and tbh that's what's keeping me up)
<cythraul> are...are they okay
<cythraul> should ia sk
<cythraul> ah
<cythraul> well i'll certainly hold your hands while we wait in the irc hosp waiting room :(
<ELLIOTTCABLE> like conscious and shit but like ...
<cythraul> yeah that's not good at all :(
<ELLIOTTCABLE> there's a bone shard right by a major artery and it's Not Good.
<cythraul> i'm sure she'll be fine love
<cythraul> she has to be
<ELLIOTTCABLE> got transferred to the big city for surgery kinda thing
<cythraul> srsly i'm doin a prayer over it
<cythraul> i hardly ever anymore
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so like fucking snap chatting while mby dead in 8 hours
<ELLIOTTCABLE> it's very trippy
<cythraul> i know some death g0ds
<cythraul> i will make some calls
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: yeah :(
<ELLIOTTCABLE> ANYWAY
<cythraul> ANYWAY
<cythraul> lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> so friend,
<cythraul> so friend
<cythraul> ,
<ELLIOTTCABLE> got here
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and said theres this show I love
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and you have to take me to the house it's filmed in / centered around — it's in Chicago
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and I'm like yeah sure
<cythraul> kk
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and she gives me an address in FUCKING ENGLEWOOD
<cythraul> errrr
<cythraul> i don't chicago
<ELLIOTTCABLE> like hands-down the most dangerous place in t4he world that I know of
<cythraul> is that like gangtown
<cythraul> YUP
<cythraul> i guessed it
<cythraul> nice
<cythraul> :P
<ELLIOTTCABLE> Englewood, Harvey, there's ... a lot of the Most Dangerous Places In America in my city lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE> welp
<ELLIOTTCABLE> yep
<ELLIOTTCABLE> she berated me into it
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and so I drove my Very Pink Very Supercar through The Hood™.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> like the hoooooood.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> sat there, nervously watching all the locals who were coming out of their houses to glare at me and my fancy car,
<ELLIOTTCABLE> while she completely unselfconsciously took selfies in front of the house
<ELLIOTTCABLE> well anyway tl;dr she got me into that GODDAMN trash show
<ELLIOTTCABLE> and I hate it and I love it and AHHHHHHH WHYYYY
<ELLIOTTCABLE> Shameless.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> it's an HBO thing, I think.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> weirdly excellent for how RATCHET it is.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> cythraul: → SMS
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: kk
<cythraul> anyway what show is it called
<ELLIOTTCABLE> Shameless
<cythraul> OH THAT
<cythraul> jesus uh
<cythraul> yeah
<cythraul> lol
* cythraul blushes then tries to play it off
<cythraul> oh yeah i know that for
<cythraul> totally casual reasons
<cythraul> >.>
<ELLIOTTCABLE> whut
<ELLIOTTCABLE> are there non-casual reasons to know of this show
<ELLIOTTCABLE> it's a weirdly excellent show but I hate myself for liking it
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: porn tumblr is all over it
<cythraul> i say porn i mean fandom but i mostly see it from the blogs that reblog porn-y fanfic/art
<ELLIOTTCABLE> cythraul: lmao.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> shameless has a fandom. ugh 🙄
<ELLIOTTCABLE> that's the *true* shameless.
<cythraul> yep
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<inimino> what
<inimino> I just don't know what to make of ELLIOTTCABLE's life.
<cythraul> inimino: agreed
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<fujisan> ELLIOTTCABLE:
<fujisan> i love u
<cythraul> yas
<cythraul> all hail ELLIOTTCABLE
<cythraul> da luff <3
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<incomprehensibly> 2:59:40 AM <cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: who do you think would win in a my mom v. your mom fight
<incomprehensibly> 2:59:43 AM <+ELLIOTTCABLE> or birthmark
<incomprehensibly> 2:59:41 AM <+ELLIOTTCABLE> I picture it as a big mole
<incomprehensibly> hi inimino
<incomprehensibly> hi ELLIOTTCABLE
<incomprehensibly> hi cythraul
<cythraul> hello...
* cythraul miserable
<cythraul> incomprehensibly: a man 9 years my senior and i went on a not date on Thursday to meet up in person after talking online for several weeks.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> incomprehensibly: o7
<ELLIOTTCABLE> ugh my bff is hurt and angry at me
<ELLIOTTCABLE> send spoons and idk such
<incomprehensibly> cythraul: didn't go well?
<cythraul> In the wake of the date he was distant and finally responded to my gentle queries to indicate he found me deliberately boundary crossing, possibly maliciously coercive in person, and that I took advantage of him.
<cythraul> I'm most upset about the financial advantage claim. I brought my own money for drinks. He offered and he's a male nearly 10 years my senior who has steady work. I do not.
<cythraul> Well. I'm mostly upset about the accusation of being deliberately sexually coercive
<cythraul> Horrified to the point of self-harm impulses over that
<incomprehensibly> :(
<incomprehensibly> :/
<cythraul> I do not believe I did that intentionally.
<cythraul> He and I were...more sexual than we should have been in private messaging before meeting; I believe the weight of mutual expectations caused communication to utterly break down.
<cythraul> He was...kind, in his message. Seemeed to leave it open whether he was accusing me of being that way on purpose or otherwise.
<cythraul> It may not matter. I'm not sure I can ever be truly close with someone who so easily believed that I would. That I...
<cythraul> I told him about Rylie and why she and I broke up. I told him a lot of personal things.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> cythraul: we do not know who that is? :c
<cythraul> What kind of horrible monster am I that someone like that, a good father, a veteran of many poly relationships, can acquire such a bad impression of me?
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: Do not...oh.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> are you commonly über poly or is this like some of your first or
<cythraul> It's comoplicated, ELLIOTTCABLE. We've just been poly with women irl
<cythraul> D has kind of indicated he'd be okay with a guy
<cythraul> If it was the right guy
<cythraul> I thought maybe this could be the right guy.
<cythraul> Now I'm at 6s, 7s, and suicidal impulses. I know gnawing open my arteries isn't the solution
<cythraul> But. But. But.
* cythraul done
* cythraul despairs.
<cythraul> ELLIOTTCABLE: Who who is, Rylie? :(
cythraul is now known as gq
<gq> Heh I didn't meant o keep that nick on for the whole convo either
<gq> Ironic: Cythraul is Welsh for 'devil' but it's affecionate
<gq> Like if your child was misbehaving, you might say "oh he's a little devil now that he's getting older isn't he"
<gq> I don't. I can't.
* gq self revulsion
<gq> Sssss. :(
<gq> Alright well he got back in touch
<gq> He doesn't think I'm the scum of the earth but agreed with me that I need to be re-screened/diagnosed.
<gq> I either have C-PTSD or my DID has gotten enough out of control that it needs to be on my diagnoses list whether I want it or not.
<gq> Or, heaven help me, I really am a sociopath.
* gq shudders
<gq> pls no etc ><
<gq> ELLIOTTCABLE: How is your friend who had surgery doing? :(
<ELLIOTTCABLE> gq: wut happened I'm so confused
<ELLIOTTCABLE> maybe text instead of technical IRC channel
<gq> Meh. It doesn't matter.
<gq> Got it sorted.
<ELLIOTTCABLE> also am still out with social friends so idk reply, but you need to re-explain from scratch
<ELLIOTTCABLE> lmao okay
<gq> Nah. It's sorted, lol
<gq> ELLIOTTCABLE: But srsly how is friend that was surgery'd?
<ELLIOTTCABLE> No idea. No replies to texts. I'm worried but I don't know precisely what time surgery was so I'm trying to ignore for now.
<gq> ELLIOTTCABLE: Yeah no news is good news :(