<ELLIOTTCABLE>
don't think that was the original one /=
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
watevs
<glowcoil>
ugh fingers sore from guitar playing
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
glowcoil: you play the guitar?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
bet that getsya all the chicks :P
<glowcoil>
lol
<purr>
lol
<glowcoil>
yep played for 7-8 yrs now
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
damn
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
that's … pretty cool.
<glowcoil>
thanks
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
so, I just spend a couple hours on Mumble with an old friend.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
and it was … really … disturbing, eye-opening.
<glowcoil>
how so?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
this particular friend is pretty annoying to deal with, in a lot of situations. He's younger, a bit; kind of like my little brother.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
(given the sibling confusion in here recently, no, this one isn't genetically related to me; but he's a part of the category of people who “might-as-well be.”)
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
anyway.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I have an … issue … with jealousy/bitterness, and a negative sort of self-hurting derision that I can't control.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
known it for ages. hate it, makes *my* life shitty.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I apologize to people about it occasionally, to; I'm not *oblivious* to the fact that it makes those around me unhappy occasionally, too …
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
but dealing with him tonight, has made it clearer to me how *much* it must suck for people around me.
<glowcoil>
:(
cloudhead has joined #elliottcable
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
He's definitely been giving a really strong “Any time you disagree with me about thinking something is stupid, you're clearly wrong and a terrible person.” vibe, tonight
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
couple different things. bitcoin, feminism, what sorts of cocktails/liquors are delicious,
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
i don't remember, a couple others.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
oh, mmorpgs, too. whatever. besides the point.
* glowcoil
nods
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
When other people talk about smoking pot, I just think they're *so goddamn stupid*. Terrible people. I can't *control* the deep, visceral derision I feel for them.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Ditto, ‘extreme sports.’ Skateboarding, most of all, continuing on down the line through snowboarding, bungee jumping …
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
and tonight, I wonder how much other people, who *actually like* those things that they choose to do, feel like I'm a pretentious dickbag when they're around me.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
actually, not quite. I don't give two shits if someone thinks I'm a pretentious dickbag. lol that's a given.
<purr>
lol
<glowcoil>
i've been realizing lately i do the same thing quite ab it
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
more … wonder how much other people whom I *otherwise like*, am *otherwise friends with*, people I want to see happy … wonder how much they're hurt, or exhausted by, dealing with me, and my prejudices, on a daily basis.
<glowcoil>
i'm a huge elitist inside my head
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
glowcoil: I don't think I mean quite the same thing. At least for me, there's a *huge* internal difference between simple elitism, and this <derision, and jealousy>-feels.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
the key difference being, I guess, I can turn the former off, if I need to.
<glowcoil>
ELLIOTTCABLE: well i can't turn it off is what i mean
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I may think FPS games are dumb. But if I want to be friends with an FPSer, I can sit down, stop thinking it's dumb for a while, and talk about FPS games with him. Or try his FPS game.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
ah, okay
<glowcoil>
it prevents me from being nice to people or making friends or getting close to people sometimes
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
what sorts of stuff does it bite you on? /=
<glowcoil>
idk i mean lately i've been listening to (hip hop|metal)
<glowcoil>
and then if someone doesn't like those as a blanket
<purr\Paws>
Paws.js/copy-reactor+ 36d5801 elliottcable: + copying the old advance(), mostly verbatim
<glowcoil>
then yknow
<glowcoil>
that's one example
<glowcoil>
another is just like
<glowcoil>
if someone is like
<glowcoil>
doesn't genuinely enjoy math, or programming, or some thinkingy thing
<glowcoil>
like if someone majored in it but is glad they're done majoring or osmething
<glowcoil>
it's hard to respect them
<glowcoil>
or if someone doesn't compulsively make art or something
<glowcoil>
like, i look down on people who don't like create shit or love math or something liek that, and i can't turn it off and it's stupid because like
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
for me, all of the things that are really troublesome, are the ones with some sort of tinge of jealousy down below them.
<glowcoil>
objectively i realize that it's dumb to base your valuing of people on wha they create
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
some primal desire to be one of the cool kids who can do badass snowboarding tricks, despite knowing they're dumb.
<glowcoil>
because in the end, it's like relationships, you have to not base your happiness on an eventual relationship because that won't work
<glowcoil>
ELLIOTTCABLE: hm yeah i think that's different from me
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
wishing I had the balls/laid-back-ness to smoke pot
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
the most similar one for me, is for EDM music, like
<glowcoil>
in the same way, you can't base your happiness on eventually creating good art because
<glowcoil>
it won't make you happy in the end anyway
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
really repetitive stuff, the most ‘techno’ of it.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
even then though, like, those people don't respect the more interesting creative stuff,
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
but at the same time there's a lot of jealousy, because that person can go to a normal club and can probably dance and probably gets laid and is happy forever and gets married and their heads explode in stars and then there's an 8-bit success theme song.
<glowcoil>
not sure what you mean?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
for me *every single one of these problems* is an inscrutable hybrid of “they're dumb and worthless for doing it” and “I feel dumb and worthless for not doing it.”
<glowcoil>
ok
<glowcoil>
for me there's none of the second, mostly just the first
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I just, it's the most insane, internally-contradictory thing, in my head, and I can *see it being contradictory*, and that drives logical-fix-all-of-the-brain-problems-elliott NUTTY.
* ELLIOTTCABLE
nods
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
yeah, valuing people for their *objective* value is dumb, but obvious
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
like, hard-not-to-do.
<glowcoil>
basically if someone doesn't feel desperate to achieve something
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
the hardest thing in life, sometimes, seems to be remembering/managing-to judge people *subjectively*. On their value to you, instead of their value to the world.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I have that problem to.
<glowcoil>
i find it hard to respect/empathize with them on a deep level
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Like, a *really nice girl who could be a great friend to me*, but whom I forget to even bother trying out liking, because she's a pothead, and doesn't create anything of value, and listens to empty pop music.
<glowcoil>
yeah
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
yepyepyep
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
completely different thing from what I was talking about earlier, but know that exact feel /=
<glowcoil>
even if someone like, 60% overlaps with my music taste, and we have deep conversations about movies
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
you can't go around in the real world expecting to meet programmers or musicians.
<glowcoil>
and have similar senses of humor
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
most people are, just, people.
<glowcoil>
but they don't like make things
<glowcoil>
or they're just like, going to get some business job somewhere
<glowcoil>
then i find it hard to respect them and ti's fucking dumb
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
<glowcoil> some business job somewhere
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
didn't kick him off mumble, or, like, curse him out, or obviously ignore him,
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
tried hard to, listen and respond and whatever
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
but my responses were all so empty 'cuz he was annoying me so much /=
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
and I felt *really bad*, because it just, *reeked*, of how I probably seem to other people.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
some hurt-making shit right there.
<glowcoil>
:(
<glowcoil>
i know exactly what you mean
<glowcoil>
ugh i'm feeling so pessimistic
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
yeh?
<glowcoil>
so i have some really good friends that i'm not attracted to at all but that i have a really deep connection with and see the world the same way as me
<glowcoil>
and then i've only dated people that i don't have that kind of connection with
<glowcoil>
and i'm scared that if i were attracted to someone and had that connection one of those two things would fuck with the other anyway
<glowcoil>
know what i mean
<glowcoil>
at all?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
idk ‘scared’
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
for me it's, I dunno, a basic fact of life /=
<glowcoil>
i guess not scared, more
<glowcoil>
suspect
<glowcoil>
ok yeah
<glowcoil>
UGH i hate everything at all
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
for me, all of the history of relationships is … well … best-friends.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Like, 80% of my relationships were *really close friendships* first.
<glowcoil>
oh ok
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
And then once you get relationship-intimate, there's just, a lot of, veils lifted.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
People who I thought were really cool or really similar in certain ways, even when I was *super* close to them in general …
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
those feels somehow change substantially when you go from seeing each other four times a week, to seeing each other every day when you wake up and then again after work, I guess
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
maybe I've just had bad luck with relationships. probably.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
but definitely very pessimistic in that way:
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
“Time for me to stop trying to date people who seem interesting, smart, or similar to me …
<glowcoil>
uggggghhhh
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
… and just date the hottest girl/guy who will say yes. /=”
<glowcoil>
i agree a lot
<glowcoil>
:(((((
<glowcoil>
my admittedly not tons of experience entirely agrees
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Chelsea wasn't the first to leave me feeling this way, but I think that whole mess burned me pretty damn bad, in that particular way.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
That's the grounding of all my fucked-up feels as detailed above, probably, if I'm to be completely honest with myself.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Went in expecting “well-designed websites and M Machine”, because that's what we shared/talked about/whatever as super-close friends.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Came out, having discovered that there's a hell of a lot more snowboarding/Kaskade, and a hell of a lot less of what I was hoping for.
<glowcoil>
<ELLIOTTCABLE> “well-designed websites and M Machine”
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I guess that's the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
<glowcoil>
right i think i'm giving up on relationships
<glowcoil>
thing is i'm not interested in casual sex
<glowcoil>
very hard for me to find attraction w/o emotional connection
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
People change. And more often, your *perception* of them changes. “True love” is when either/both happen, and it continues to not matter.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
</sap>
<glowcoil>
but at the same time relationships on top of emotional connection ruins it
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
oh, dude, not casual sex
<glowcoil>
lol
<purr>
lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
nonono totes get it
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
go for the *casual puppy love*.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Like, just, *accept* that we fall deeply in infatuation quickly, 'cuz chemicals
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
and go binge out on those chemicals.
<glowcoil>
well the thing is i fall in infatuation for 30min then hate someone
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Don't look for The One, and don't look for The One Night.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Look for the One Month. That's what I'mma do, at least for now.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
30mins? :P
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
you're too fast :P
<glowcoil>
lolol or a day
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
wat do
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
wat do wat do wat do
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
here's a thought:
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
in my experience (actually, had an extensive conversation with Brian about this earlier tonight.),
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
yes.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
close-feels makes for the best sex in the world. It can take <x> quality sex, and super-charge it into *spectacular* sex.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
but, that doesn't mean *no sex without feels is good*. At least, IME. It just means that it's gotta be some pretty goddamn good casual sex, to live up to even the most mediocre feels-sex.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
tl;dr maybe you just haven't found the right casual sex :D
<glowcoil>
haha
<glowcoil>
well exgf and i were arguably not very close/had a kind of destructive emotional dynamic
<glowcoil>
so i guess that's an awful example
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
yeah uck
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
My solution to your problem:
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
slut it up.
<glowcoil>
hahaha
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
actually, reviewing the last ten conversations I've had with people about anything that isn't computer-related,
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
that would appear to be my solution to *all* problems.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
>,>
<glowcoil>
lolol
<purr>
lolol
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
no really, holy shit
<glowcoil>
like i want to date someone i can: make music with, or make complementary assets to videos/games/something
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
aforementioned pseudo-little-brother, little sister, Chelsea, Chelsea's best friend, Cherish, and south-carolina-sex-interest-girl
<glowcoil>
to make things with
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I've had a conversation with every single one of them within the past month where I've ended up suggesting they have more sex as a solution to their (admittedly usually sex or romance related) problems.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
maybe instead of someone to date, you just need someone to be really close with. /=
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
that's what I miss the most.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
a Jenna.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
or, I suppose, a before-we-dated Chelsea.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I've never had a relationship that was as awesome and close and, well, *useful*, as my closest friendships have been. Maybe I'm bad at relationships? /=
<glowcoil>
yeah i agree with my limited shitty experiencd
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
that said:
<glowcoil>
i have really close friends to talk about math and make music and games with
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
IME, artist-type girls are kinky and awesome
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
in every sort of way
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
so, maybe you'll just crack it lucky there :D
<glowcoil>
lul
<glowcoil>
welllllllll
<glowcoil>
it's horrifically late
<glowcoil>
not feeling any better about this topic than i was beefore :p
<glowcoil>
but i need to slep
<glowcoil>
night <3
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
kk
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
nn
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
oo
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
last one's an infinity
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
for infinity-hearts
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
(dawww i'm so adorbs)
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
-learn languages = ‘What languages should you learn?’ The answer: more of them! Try `-object-oriented`, `-functional`, and `-low-level` for some suggestions. (If you really want to stretch your mind, try `-paradigms` <3)
<purr>
ELLIOTTCABLE: Learned `languages`.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
-languages
<purr>
ELLIOTTCABLE: ‘What languages should you learn?’ The answer: more of them! Try `-object-oriented`, `-functional`, and `-low-level` for some suggestions. (If you really want to stretch your mind, try `-paradigms` <3)
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
-learn object-oriented = Ruby <https://ruby-lang.org> is an excellent first language (and, for that matter, excellent all-around.) JavaScript is a heavyweight in the modern world, allows you to control browsers, and is especially excellent when paired with Node.js <http://nodejs.org>. Lua <http://lua.org> and Python are other popular options.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
a simple little perma-URL generator that searches multiple wikipedias, selects one, and then disambiguates if necessary
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
using it as an exercise to learn some idiomatic tools in the Node space prior to JSconf
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Connect, the prevailing ‘promises’ (lolno. lies.) specification, etc
<purr>
lolno
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
also, it should be run-able on your own server
<eligrey>
btw are you using the word wikipedia as generic wiki? or are you talking about the wikimedia family?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Wikimedia.
* eligrey
registers wikimedi.as
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
specifically, the Wikipedia languages with more than 1,000,000 articles.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
going to leave this up and easy-to-install so anybody can have http://sep.hr/Butts style links, if they please.
<eligrey>
oh actually your domain makes more sense then :/
* ELLIOTTCABLE
laughs
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
if you want to maintain it after I write it, that's fine by me.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
ELLIOTTCABLE / OFTN collab? :P
<eligrey>
re: different language wikipedias, not sep.hr
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I'm mildly annoyed that I need to *use* the domain to publicize its existence after I write it; because I'd really prefer to use my own software on my own domain, like everything else.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
ell.io/[[Butts]] perhaps
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
bah even irc cloud doesn't detect that
<eligrey>
woah .hr is free?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
you *didn't notice that*!?
<eligrey>
i was expecting a $100/yr fee or something crazy
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I always assumed you had a good reason
<eligrey>
please don't be registered already sep.hr
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
lolol
<purr>
lolol
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
good luck finding a resident of Croatia
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
not sharing mine with you.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Mumble?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
don't really feel like talking, but I'll get on. I believe Brian's already on there.
<eligrey>
i'll get on mumble once you share your croatian contact
<eligrey>
so far google translate has helped me get through dns.hr but i'm stuck on
<eligrey>
OIB korisnika: [text field]
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
that's where you put your gmail password
<eligrey>
no idea what VAT-related info i need to put there
<eligrey>
leaving blank gives me something that translates to Enter the correct VAT
<eligrey>
i didn't think eu people had to pay vat on domains
<eligrey>
i was able to find out that sep.hr isn't registered and i think i can register without a croation address for $135/yr
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
awesome :D
<eligrey>
tbh i probably won't use it enough to justify the cost
<eligrey>
i don't even use sephr.com for anything other than an eligrey.com redirect
<eligrey>
i probably would use eligr.ey though
<eligrey>
yay for Ekraysia existing
<eligrey>
ouch $3000/yr
<eligrey>
nvm
<eligrey>
also > Presence in Ekraysia required
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
eligrey: lololol
<purr>
lololol
<eligrey>
once i become a vr billionaire i'll just buy http://ai/ for a one-time fee of [anguilla gdp]
<eligrey>
which = $100 mil
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
ok lol
<purr>
lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Are you given rights to the root entry when you bribe-buy the existence of a TLD? is that how that works?
<eligrey>
i don't think you can buy a tld from someone else
<eligrey>
which is why i specifically stated http://ai/
<eligrey>
which would just mean a permanent A and AAAA record on AI
<eligrey>
especially since i'm not a country and if i was a country my name isn't anguilla
<eligrey>
so i'd get the tld taken from me if i somehow bought it instead of those 2 dns records
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
“a simple little perma-URL generator that searches multiple wikipedias, selects one, and then disambiguates if necessary”
<gkatsev>
what is wikipedi.as, btw?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
“using it as an exercise to learn some idiomatic tools in the Node space prior to JSconf”
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
gkatsev: -^
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
“going to leave this up and easy-to-install so anybody can have http://sep.hr/Butts style links, if they please.”
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
alexgordon: reason I feel like you, is I'm doing a lot of scraping/collating code right now.
<alexgordon>
ah
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
things I never thought I'd have to do: wade through Google Translate's mis-translations of the word “disambiguation” in every language and character set known to mankind.
<gkatsev>
ah, cool
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
not to mention, having to deal with the fact that EVERY WIKIPEDIA SITE EVER does things COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY FROM ALL THE OTHERS
<gkatsev>
I'm terrible and coming up with interesting projects to test out new tools/techs.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
you'd think there'd be some sort of overall structural similarity to the wikipedias in different languages. NOPE.
<gkatsev>
And I'm not as cool as John Carmack who can rewrite wolfenstein 3d in a new programming language to try that out.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
gkatsev: this one's been on my mind for a while. My little domain has quite a few nifty URL-related tricks up its sleeves, but *fact links* have been on my radar for quite a while.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Problem is, it's one of the harder ones to do. Not just not-a-simple-redirect, but if you want *meaningful, useful* links, it's gotta trudge through a bunch of heuristics to figure out how to navigate disambiguations.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
and, of course, the URLs generated need to be permanent, so there's gotta be some sort of persistence there.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
gkatsev: in all reality, I generally learn new languages by trying to implement *my* language in the new language. >,>
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
an interpreter covers a lot of bases: data-types, concurrency, input/output, some basic performance stuff, constructing large abstractions, testing/analysis …
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I bet writing a lisp in a language would be a pretty excellent primer in any such given language.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
just a thought.
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<ELLIOTTCABLE>
eligrey: I'm gonna play some, if you'er around
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
pretty exhausted offm y face
glowcoil has joined #elliottcable
<glowcoil>
10:04 <ELLIOTTCABLE> oo
<glowcoil>
10:04 <ELLIOTTCABLE> last one's an infinity
<glowcoil>
10:04 <ELLIOTTCABLE> for infinity-hearts
<glowcoil>
alexgordon: it was your fault i quit this time
<glowcoil>
:p
<alexgordon>
?
<glowcoil>
alexgordon: when i'm unattached and get highlighted my client quits for some reason
<alexgordon>
lol
<purr>
lol
<joelteon>
lol
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